Exactly exactly What had been the probabilities things could find yourself violently with me, of course, getting the shitty end between us? Might Trayvon force himself on me personally in a manner that I happened to be reluctant to simply accept but struggling to stop?! They were not idle concerns. We thought long and difficult about any of it, however in the end We decided that no, he’dn’t do this. Centered on exactly exactly what, you ask? Good question — we don’t understand.
Another consideration ended up being, that which was Trayvon leaving this relationship? Demonstrably, he’d have yourself a sex partner and also at minimum some use of my canteen account. We knew he previously simply no cash, and then he knew that I experienced at the very least some funds. Maybe he had been actually interested in me personally in which he had been a mooch — we represented a chance to fulfill both requirements! Ended up being here such a thing certainly incorrect with that? As of this very early phase we told myself that for as long as he didn’t get too greedy I became ok to allow him have soup or perhaps a honey bun as he desired something. Why shouldn’t I reward him for their friendship? Most likely, we stood to obtain one thing using this too — unlike my situation at Swift Annex I’d have jail bad-ass back at my part just in case i obtained threatened or harassed.
Did Trayvon have HIV or several other STD? Needless to say he said no and said he previously to obtain tested occasionally and blah blah blah. I did son’t press the presssing issue or require seeing the test outcomes. Rather I inquired myself — remember, this person was assigned to kitchen responsibility — Would my state’s DOC assign a guy with HIV to this sort of task? I experienced to trust the clear answer had been no, no chance. Other inmates later on laughed within my self- confidence in DOC! Additionally, he wasn’t using any meds — either K.O.P. (“keep on person”) or solitary dosage. Consequently we judged him to be healthy.
Ended up being I the actual only real guy he had been striking on or are there other people — either immediately within my dorm or perhaps in your kitchen where he worked sixdays per week? Did I worry about that? A jail dorm is approximately the smallest amount of personal spot you can reside in, therefore m.camsoda I could see the majority of Trayvon’s interactions with other people. He previously other buddies, black colored & white. Achieved it appear to be he had been striking on some of those dudes? Response — no. As to whether we cared, we must’ve cared or I would personallyn’t have now been spending plenty attention. But we told myself we cared maybe perhaps not away from jealousy but because I became nevertheless racking your brains on their real motives and concerned about getting an STD.
We asked myself: me unfaithful to my ex-wife with whom I hoped to reconcile when I got out if I do this does that make? Exactly exactly What would which means that? We had been divorced!
Could carrying this out somehow turn me personally homosexual after a very long time to be that is straight minimum since it pertains to grownups? I did son’t understand yet because I’dn’t had this experience yet. But we thought — no. I happened to be making an exception that is special this “friend with benefits, ” an exception that will end whenever we finished. We thought, “Trayvon is really an unique situation. What other young black colored guys might be thinking about an adult white guy? ” Thus far, i did son’t feel any gayer. I happened to be simply messing around and having some disgusting fun. It had been a prison thing.
Before embracing the possible advantages Trayvon had to provide being a “friend with advantagesthat I did not think about ahead of time — although in hindsight I really should have” I need to mention one last rather serious problem! That has been, suppose we had been learned? Assume rumors about us started initially to travel all over dorm simply because I became investing considerable time loitering Trayvon’s bunk and we’re smiling at each and every other a whole lot? Just just What would we do, if such a thing, to squelch rumors that are such?